From: == suzie == To: ratfic Subject: [ratfic] NEW: Queen of Hearts Date: Monday, January 24, 2000 12:39 AM From: == suzie == Title: Queen of Hearts Author: Suz Date: 23-Jan-00 - Disclaimer: Why should I bother, we all know that I don't own them. Dedication: To Cam, because she inspired me to get my book!! And to Ness, because yesterday was her birthday. And she's funky, and I owe her about 54 packets of Wizz Fizz. Okay it's 59 now. Okay 62... And 68... is the current count *sigh*. And it's really best not to ask Enjoy and send me feedback, it's been a while ;) ~~ Queen of Hearts By Suz ~~ Gavin sat with a pen in one hand a beer in the other. He was at home, alone no less. He looked at his watch. She'd be over soon. Tayler that is. They'd both hung back after they found out that is was Denton who... She'd moved across to him and hugged him tightly. He returned it. It was so comforting. He'd been so wrapped up in it that he'd barely heard her whisper into his neck "can I come over?" He nodded slightly. He was so unsure. He still had feelings for her. He had for a while now, even though she'd broken it off last time. He didn't even know if he wanted to try again or not, despite the way he felt. Maybe they'd get to talk about it tonight, maybe... Gavin closed his eyes and rested his head on his hand and waited. ~~ Rachel, I'm still waiting for you, you know? I want you to walk in a give one of us a hard time or crack a joke or your killer smile or... something. I'm not going to say I miss you, it's so cliché and it's a given really isn't it? I couldn't believe it when Tommy told me. I thought he was kidding... he wasn't. Would have been a pretty sick joke if he was. I stood in a state of shock at the front door, I reckon I would have stayed there all night if Tommy hadn't pushed me inside. I'm still in shock Rachel, I don't know if I'll ever come out of it. That scares me more than anything I've ever been through. I'm constantly replaying our last conversation over and over in my head. It was all so typically you. I couldn't have hoped for more really. Well maybe a kiss. Or as everyone wishes, that I told you how good a mate you were to me. Because that's what we were, mates. Good mates. I valued that Rach ~~ He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Probably Tayler he thought as the pen dropped to the floor as he grabbed his beer and when to the door. "Hey how are you?" She smiled at him softly once the door was fully open. She looked at the half empty beer and shook her head. "Getting there... you?" She nodded slightly and waited for him to let her in. "Got another one?" She asked, indicating the beer in his hand. He nodded and she followed him into the kitchen and found the bottle opener in the top drawer. They made their way to the couch and sat down. The television was turned on to a random channel, neither really interested in watching it. It was for some reason rather awkward. Tayler took a swig of her beer and looked at him steadily. "I miss her y'know. I knew that I was going to, but I didn't know it'd feel like this." "Yeah. I'm still expecting her to walk into work and rush up the stairs because she's late..." "And Jack was always 3 seconds behind her." Tayler cut him off with a laugh. "Yeah, and to hear them yelling at each other. They were worse than her and Frank sometimes." "Remember the time that Frank gave her instant coffee?" "Oh yeah, he wore the whole pot didn't he?" Tayler nodded in fits of laughter, struggling to get words out. "No one was game to make her coffee for weeks." "You know what was the funniest?" She shook her head. "The paper fight." "Oh yeah, I hadn't been there long then, had I?" "I can't remember. But Jeff had a fit." "She was such a good friend." "Yeah, she was. I miss her too." There was a lull in the conversation, both silent in memory of their colleague. They both burst out in another fit of laughter seconds later. "What?" "What?" They laughed again. "I was just thinking of when she said to me about..." Tayler stopped short. "About...?" He prompted her. "She knew that we were, you know. And she told me two completely contradicting things." "Oh?" Gavin was intrigued. "Yeah, number one - he's cute, keep him. Number two - don't get involved with colleagues." "Did you ask her which was more important?" She nodded. "And?" "And have a guess." "You went with the second one?" The awkwardness had returned. He stood to get another beer. Her eyes followed him across the room. "The first one wasn't far off though." She spoke quietly. But his head spun around. "Pardon?" She looked away quickly and turned her attention to the television that was flicking images of tele-shopping items. Gavin returned with their umpteenth beer, one for himself and another for her. "Thanks." She smiled at him as he handed her the beer. Silence. "As if you'd buy any of this crap." Gavin nodded towards the television. "Oh I dunno, a grater, peeler, can opener, bottle opener and chopping board all in one sounds pretty good to me." "All for a 5 easy low payments of $63.95..." "Plus postage and handling." Tayler butted in. They were in fits of laughter again. The night wore on slowly, and several more bottles piled up. The laughter continued. Tayler stood up and balanced herself before moving. "Where are you going?" "Toilet." Gavin watched her walk down the hallway before standing up himself and moving towards the kitchen table. ~~ I'm constantly replaying our last conversation over and over in my head. It was all so typically you. I couldn't have hoped for more really. Well maybe a kiss. Or as everyone wishes, that I told you how good a mate you were to me. Because that's what we were, mates. Good mates. I valued that Rach. We should tell our friends that we appreciate them, we really should. And we should tell the people we love just how we feel. It's ironic really isn't it? You think someone is just a good mate. Then they up and die on you. I hate deep and meaningful conversations, or letters. I've had a few beers so I'll probably... ~~ "What are you doing?" Tayler had come back and was standing behind him looking over his shoulder. "Just writing..." "What?" Tayler was becoming inquisitive. Gavin turned around and looked up at her from his chair. He studied her for several moments. "To Rachel." Tayler looked shocked and paused for a moment. "Can I read it?" He hesitated before handing it to her. "Thanks." Tayler stood reading it, half leaning against him. She placed one arm half around him, resting her hand on his shoulder. She put down the single sheet of paper and pulled out the chair next to him. "You loved her, didn't you?" She spoke softly. "No," he paused. "I care about her very much." Tayler moved her arm from his knee and grabbed both his hands. "I'm not in love with her. Maybe I was, a long time ago. I had a crush on her." He laughed softly, and so did she. "There's a difference between loving and being in love though Gav." He nodded in agreement. "You can love more than one person, but I think you can really only be *in* love with one." There was one of those "moments" between them. An exchange. A look. Neither acted on it. "How about we get something to eat? I'm hungry." Gavin stood up, flustered. "Maybe I should go." Tayler stood up also. Trying to gather her things up. She had tears in her eyes. Gavin looked over at her. "No it's okay, stay." He noticed. "Hey, Tayler, come her." They both walked toward each other and he hugged her tightly. "I miss her, but I keep crying and crying and I don't know why." "It's okay," he pulled her in for a hug once more. "I'm going to go." "No stay, I'll make up the couch or something and you can stay. It's too late for you to be going anywhere." Before she was given a choice he'd disappeared, returning a few minutes later with blankets and an old pair of tracksuit pants and a t-shirt of hers. She smiled when she saw it. "I'd wondered where I'd left this." Grinning he handed it back to her. "You left it one time, you can have a shower if you like, you know where everything is." She disappeared down towards the bathroom and Gavin began collecting the few bottles that were still sitting on the bench. Dumping them in the garbage he pulled out the couch and made up the bed. "Thanks, I feel much better. Want a coffee?" He nodded. "I'll just go get changed. I think I spilt something on this shirt." She laughed from the kitchen and heard him muttering as he was getting changed. Tayler brought both coffees out and sat one either side of the substitute bed in the middle of the lounge. She was looking through his rather limited video collection when she came across something she'd never expect him to have. "You own "The Lion King" movie?" "Yeah, so? It's good!" She shook her head and put it in the VCR anyway. They both sat quietly intrigued in the movie. She could see Gavin mouthing the words to the songs beside her. "You're so cute sometimes." She laughed at him shaking her head. "What?" he looked across at her innocently. "I can't believe you know all the words to the songs." "Shut up." She placed the coffee mug beside her and pulled the covers over her. "I need sleep, and so do you by the look of you." She leant over and kissed him. "Goodnight." "Night." He went to move. "Don't, stay." Her arm reached out and stopped him. "Please?" She was nearly asleep by the time he got back in the bed. "Thanks." He watched her fall asleep and then reached behind him. ~~ We should tell our friends that we appreciate them, we really should. And we should tell the people we love just how we feel. It's ironic really isn't it? You think someone is just a good mate. Then they up and die on you. I hate deep and meaningful conversations, or letters. I've had a few beers so I'll probably... Sharing grief with friends is the best way to get through it. I did that tonight. Tayler's a great friend. Maybe one day she'll be something more again, but right now we need the friendship. No one will ever replace you, not to me, or anyone. I'll always miss you, and probably always love you too. Gavin ~~ He flicked the light of and pulled the covers up. Tayler's arm flopped across his chest and he let it rest there. =THE END= feedback: suzie@standard.net.au